I've wanted to write this blog post for some time now. Maybe the lack of big chunks of time to write uninterruptedly kept me from writing. Maybe it was not wanting to share my struggles that aren't totally conquered. I'm not sure. But, I'm sharing it now.
It's fear. It stinks. It's deceptive. It haunts your every breath. I'd say two years ago that fear was only a minimal struggle for me. Then, I lost the baby I was carrying in early 2012. And, fear is what I walked away with... every day. Fear of everything. Fear of losing my husband, our children, fear of bad things happening, fear of tragedy, fear of accidents, fear of disease... just plain fear. Don't check out on me and think, "You're just one of those worry-warts." No, I live a real life, with real responsibilities with real people I treasure beyond measure. Somehow, satan found a way to torment me.
I know the verse, "Perfect love casts out fear." I was so shaken and weak then that I was susceptible to whatever came my way. I could only cling to the foundation somewhere deep, deep, deep in my heart that I knew God is good and He is faithful. I didn't feel it. I didn't see it. I only knew it by faith. But, that's the core of how I live. And it was down there when I was shaken.
Later on in 2012 we were expecting again and this is the verse that helped with each day.
"For indeed he was sick to the point of death, but God had mercy on him, and not on him only but also on me, so that I would not have sorrow upon sorrow."
Philippians 1:27
Mercy. It's stronger than fear.
