Three Things I Can Do to Bless Him Today

I was brewin' a thought process the other day and I realized that I haven't done a post about thrifty things you can do for your husband in a long, long time.  It's a really good thing for me to circle back to because it's so easy to fall into the trap that investing in our marriage means spending a good chunk of change.

There is SO MUCH I can do that costs me only grit and time.

#1 ~ Clean up the yard.  

The Rugged Mountain Man pulls up our driveway and right away, sees what needs to be done, just as I sometimes let out a long sigh of frustration when I return home from an afternoon of errands to disorder and disarray.  Today, while I chatted on the phone with my sister, I luxuriated in the sunshine and 44 degree weather while simultaneously picking up old peanut butter jars, yogurt containers, random trash that blows through here, and some larger sticks.  There are frisbees, dog toys, and miscellaneous homestead tools to be put away too.  Maybe he'll notice; maybe he won't.  Either way, it'll lighten his mental load.

#2 ~ Sit by him.

The older we get, the more spread thin, and the faster the schedules become, I realize that we can't take physical proximity for granted.  It doesn't automatically happen like it did while we were dating.  There's something to be said for sitting together, leaning against one another, and remembering that those moments are special... even if you're just working on the grocery order while you're both watching the Olympics.  

Physical proximity seems to naturally lead to more affection.  It's like it wakes us up out of the blinding, grinding stupor of everyday life.  It leads to more casual shoulder touches, smiles, and flirty casual moments too.

Start out the evening with a gentle, "Will you sit by me for a bit?"  

#3 ~ De-escalate, especially in the evenings.

This is a skill that doesn't come naturally to me at 8:00 pm.  The Rugged Mountain Man does not always get to see me in my freshest Mary Poppins mom moments; instead, he often sees the end of the day when it takes all I've got to help the Younger Blossoms resolve some bickering.  Out of frustration, I give in, amp up the frustrations, and worsen the situation.  

The right thing to do, of course, is a calm answer and patient instruction or firm consequences... not my personal venting.  

It's interesting that the right thing to do, per the Word, is also a blessing to my husband.  I know need to work on this, but it is one thing I can do to bless him this week.

Preserving and building a good marriage doesn't follow a formula that guarantees the desired results, friend, but this is what I can do on my end to be a blessing, to act out what the Lord is working in my heart.  

Five Ways to Bless Your Husband

Five More Ways to Bless Your Husband

Five Thrifty Ways to Invest in Your Marriage

Fire More Thrifty Ways to Bless Your Husband

More thoughts on investing in each other under the Marriage label.

Pics are from one of our nicer dates, but remember that the inexpensive ones are just as important (and usually more frequent!)

On the Old Country Roads

Sunday evenings are different now that Blossom4 is the only one home with the Rugged Mountain Man and me during the youth group time slot.  

Sometimes we relax at home and sometimes we venture out.  Rest looks different each Sunday evening but still, we aim for rest.

In this case, we decided to walk a nearby loop, the loop we walked regularly in our first year of marriage in a tiny town at the foot of our Pennsylvania mountains.  

Under azure skies, we tripped down the road, commenting on wildflowers, farms, small town life, and, of course, our everyday life.  

It's good to go back to places that were meaningful to you in days gone by.

It's like circling back around to bench-marking signposts.  

It's refreshing to the soul and cementing to our relationship.

In this world, we always need more cement in our relationships.  

These times, these walks, are long term investments, nourishment for the bonds between us.

Talking.

Walking.

Nourishing.

Cementing.

Building.

Investing.

New Mug

I've been eyeing up this mug at Dollar General for a while now and I finally grabbed it the other day, probably on a random run to pick up a jug of milk.  

What is done in love is done well.

Everything I do for Jesus and, correspondingly, for my family, 

if it is done in love, is done well.

My day is full of mundane tasks, important emails, tiny details, various conversations, and logistics, logistics, logistics.  

Have I done these things in love?

My heart is convicted.  

Did I do everything today in love?  

"What is done in love is done well."

Lord, let love drive me today!  Let Your love influence every part of what I do.

Amen.

PS - The Blossoms are terrific barristas!  That Caramel Chai Latte was magnificent!

Keep an Eye on the Sun

One thing my parents modeled well for me was the principle of resolving conflict daily.  They were and are committed to not allowing conflict to fester into something bigger each day.  

"...Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 

for anger gives a foothold to the devil."

This comes from Ephesians 4:26-27.

We've always paraphrased it to, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger."

Simply put, Mom and Dad raised us and later counselled us 

not to close our eyes to sleep until the conflict is resolved.  

It's a principle that the Rugged Mountain Man and I have stayed solidly committed to over the years, not because we're amazing, but because each night, we've chosen to finish the hard or long conversations before we close our eyes to sleep.

It isn't easy.  There are so many times, I'd rather just go to bed silent and seething.  

Hard conversations are HARD.

We're both tired.  We feel like we're beating a dead horse.

Yet, out of the silence, one of us says, "I need to talk to you because this hurt my feelings," or some other opening phrase.  One of us speaks up.  It can be really tempting to make some inflammatory comment, but instead, with a deep breath, we try to calmly open the door to conversation.  

When I feel angry and upset, I want to push away.  In those moments, I know I need to humble myself and reach out to hold his hand.  It's turning over, instead of turning away.  It's uncrossing my harshly folded arms and leaning in.  I can see the choice I need to make.  

It's so tempting to push away, but I have found, time and time again, that humility in my body posture goes a long, long way.  Reaching out, rather than ignoring demonstrates that we're in this together.  It shows a willingness to reconcile.  It doesn't matter who reaches out first.  I can tell you that I feel the nudging of the Holy Spirit and I KNOW when I'm guilty of being proud or mean.  It's funny because often, that small step of reaching out, reaching back, or responding is usually the first baby step toward resolution.  As I reach back or reach out, I feel my heart soften.  

Because we are two imperfect human beings, the conversation wraps up with apologies.  I don't apologize though just because he "finally" gave me the apology I was "owed."  

I am not the Holy Spirit.  

As a wife, I know the temptation to hold it over him.  

"You OWE me an apology." 

Maybe he does.  

Maybe he doesn't.  

That's truly not my job to convince him.  I can let him know what's bothering me, 

but my responsibility is to have a clear conscience before God.

What does a genuine apology look like?

"I am sorry for ________________.  Will you please forgive me?"

What goes in that blank is what I did, not a passive aggressive accusation.

I don't say sorry because I always FEEL sorry.  I say sorry because I now know in my heart that what I did was wrong.  I'm humbling myself so we can start fresh.  

Over our 21 years of marriage, we've gone to sleep angry once.  The heavy burden of the conflict the next day was even harder to deal with.  I can't explain the horrible heaviness on our hearts to awake to unresolved conflict between us.  We don't want to give the devil a foothold in our marriage and that's exactly what it felt like. It felt like a wedge between us, when there is normally nothing between us.  

We agreed to never do that again.  

In the silence of a finally quiet home, with the Blossoms dropping off to sleep after a busy day, we choose to talk it out... even when we're exhausted.

(Please note: I am not advocating to wait til nightfall to discuss things.  It simply happens often that this is the time of day and the location where the Rugged Mountain Man and I are most able to discuss things more privately and fully.  We choose bedtime as our arbritrary deadline, so to speak.)

Easy Date Nights

Some of the most relaxing date nights have been a quick ice cream date and chatting on a bench along a local nature trail. 

It's pretty and quiet and peaceful and so good for the two of us.  

We chat about the children and logistics and decisions and jokes and plans and whatever comes to mind.  

There's always more we could be working on but we admonish the Blossoms to behave and then, we drive away to choose our ice cream and relax for a bit.  It's totally worth it.

 

What Showing Love Looks Like

The Blossoms and I were loaded up in the van, driving down the driveway and headed to our next obligation.  The Rugged Mountain Man was out working on the driveway and trying to right the wrongs that winter does.  I drove away, musing, "Boy, that driveway looks good."  

The Blossoms were amused that I seemed to find the Rugged Mountain Man's work attractive.  

"Are you admiring his tractor work?" 

"That must be what happens when you've been married twenty years."  

Various comments wafted my direction from the back of the van.  

"Yep, I'm grateful he's taking care of it.  It makes me feel loved, so yes, fixing the driveway is attractive to me."

At church on Sunday, I walked up to a friend of mine and noticed she and her husband holding hands.  Of course, I teased a little about PDA.  They laughed because he was actually warming her hands up for her.  What a simple way to show love!  

Another friend sat behind me, and I heard her express confusion and frustration because she couldn't figure out where she'd left her Bible.  She realized she'd left it in the car.  Next thing I knew, I see her husband rejoining her in the pew, with her Bible in hand.  It was such a simple thing.  There are Bibles in front of us for everyone to use, but he took an extra minute and went and retrieved hers from the car.  

I've been really blessed observing these moments over the past few days and I'm encouraged to love my husband with and through the simple things.  Even if it means stopping at Tractor Supply when I don't feel like it.

Just a Few More

The Lord is a loving Father who gently adjusts my attitude and helps me see things from His perspective.  I'm thankful for this kind and loving approach.  He reveals that the world's perspective is totally opposite of how He wants me to look at things.  

~ I can be thankful for work, because work keeps poverty away.  (Proverbs 24:30-34)

As stay-at-home moms, the work we do keeps poverty away in different ways. Thrifting.  Garage-saling. Cooking at home.  Cutting hair at home.  Growing food.  Meal planning.  Sure, my work looks different than my husband's work and the work of others, but it's important that I know that I'm doing the work God has for me.  It's important to be thankful for my work and my part in keeping poverty away.  

 ~ I can be thankful for work because we are supposed to be the opposite of slothful in our work.  (Proverbs 18:9)

Being slothful is in the same arena as being destructive, but being excellent in our work is like building a masterpiece!  The work God has given me is my opportunity to be excellent instead of slothful!  

~ If we are skillful in our work, we will receive honor.  (Proverbs 22:29)

It isn't always immediate, but eventually, we receive honor.  I believe there is honor here for those who are skillful in their work.  There is also honor in eternity for those who are skillful in their work.  When I look at the work of wife and motherhood, it takes work to grow and be skillful in my work and that's an ongoing process.  The Lord is developing me as I work and as I become more skillful, He also honors me.  It's a beautiful journey of becoming more and more useful to Him.  He's teaching me to be thankful for the work.  He's also teaching me to work at being more skillful in my work. 

It's interesting to me that in the beginning, God gave Adam and Eve a job to do in tending the Garden of Eden.  (Genesis 2:15) The work was not the curse.  It wasn't until after they sinned and ate the forbidden fruit, that toil ~ work being hard and difficult ~ came about.  Work is not a result of the curse.  The toil, the hard part, the "grunt," that's a result of Eve and Adam's choice to disobey God.  When I think about that, it seems important.  We have jobs or tasks that God has given us.  That's all part of His good plan for our lives.  The toil, however, is now a part of life in a fallen world.  It's something that won't be fixed until all is made right again.

I hope you have some food for thought in the days ahead.  Perhaps some gratitude for the work God has given you will grow in your heart, as it is in mine.

What Can I Give - Empty As I Am?

Periodically, I ask myself, "What can I do to bless my husband?"  

Nothing was coming to mind.  

I know there are things to do.  I know that I can be a blessing to him.  

At the moment, my tank feels empty and it feels like "one more thing."  

He isn't "one more thing," but it's so easy for me to let that attitude creep in.  

That's when, in that moment of quiet reflection, I felt this:

"What can I do to bless my husband?"

I can be happy.  

It seems insurmountable at times, 

considering the mental load that a mother carries all day, every day.  

The choice is there.  The grace is there!

I've been considering how my own daily attitude can be a blessing to the Rugged Mountain Man.  

It's certainly food for thought.  

Dominique

Hunting Season Tips

For a few of the families we know, it's either hunting season already or it's gonna be hunting season soon.  Most of the mamas are excited to restock the freezers but grimly bracing ourselves to fly solo in some way or other.

In the past, hunting season has brought its own set of challenges for us.  Often, Daddy is away for days at a time, which means Mama is ON, always on.  This often translates to VERY tired.  Sometimes, the Blossoms seem more emotional when he's not around.  Sometimes I have a harder time falling asleep.  Sometimes weird things happen when he's away. So very tiring for me, but just me?

Yes, hunting is his hobby, but it's also physically taxing on the Rugged Mountain Man ~ early mornings, late nights, miles and miles of walking, carrying heavy gear and hopefully, dragging a carcass.  Plus, juggling work and home duties.  Throw in sleeping away from home with snoring relatives nearby and it's so very tiring for him too.

Instead of only focusing on the harder parts of hunting season for me, I asked myself,

"What can I do to make hunting season easier 

on the Rugged Mountain Man?"

I sat in my chair, penning those words and waiting.  It shifted my focus away from me.  This went straight to my heart and helped me to think of ways to serve my husband. 

I needed this practical application for preferring him above me. Instead of thinking all the inconveniences and the things I dislike about hunting season,

I decided to tidy up the basement.  It is NOT my favorite daunting project, but it's the first place he sees when he comes in from hunting around here.  I thought it would be nice for him to have a peaceful place to sit and take off his gear.  It's warm and cozy by the wood stove and it is certainly much more welcoming now that it doesn't look like you've stumbled upon someone's jumbled up mess of a storage unit... even though the basement IS our storage unit.

There's more that I hope to do.  I hope to make sure he's well stocked with good snacks.  From what the girls tell me, hunters get ravenous out there.

I'd like to keep an eye on the clock for better bed times.  Though I'm usually the one who is early to bed, I normally like to seize the time to chat with his undivided attention. Thinking more of him than me, I think I'd do well to quiet down earlier. 

The Blossoms and I will need to pitch in to take a few little things off his plate - like taking out the garbage and bringing in wood. 

Most importantly, I need to be praying for my husband.  I pray for him to be healthy.  I pray for him to hunt safely.  I pray for God's provision.  I pray for things to go well. 

It's impossible for me to pray fervently for him and still have a rotten attitude about how hunting season affects me. 

Friends, we can't control life, its situations, and its seasons, 

but we can choose our attitude.  

Dominique

If you'd like to read more, check out this post "When is the last time...?"  In it I ask myself, "When's the last time you did something for your husband?"  There's more good food for thought under the Marriage label.

Snow, Trees and Lately

Have I done something nice for my husband lately?  

Have I said yes to the Blossoms lately?

Have I stepped out on the porch and took deep breaths of fresh air lately?

Have I slowed down my mind and listened lately?

Sometimes I have to remind myself of these things.  How about you?

Dominique

Photo credit to Blossom2

Oops, It's Me

Today in the midst of a mini-mad-tirade I caught myself muttering, "Why does he do ________?  Why doesn't he just listen to me?"  My frustration was evident over what, in the expanse of eternity, was truly a very minor thing. 

Oh so quietly the Holy Spirit whispered in my ear a recent specific instance when I had not listened to the Rugged Mountain Man.

Busted.  

I was stunned as I realized I often point the finger at him, when I'm doing the exact same thing. 

It's an easy trap to think that I'm okay and he's the one that needs to be corrected. 

This comes to mind:

How can you think of saying to your friend, 

‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ 

when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?

Matthew 7:3, NLT

May the cry of my heart continually be, "Holy Spirit, show me what needs to change in my heart!"

The Dazzling Dining Room

I probably wouldn't have designed our house with a dining room, and yet our dining room table has become the place for many a fun project and time of fellowship. 

It's also become the home for many, many, many books.

There are two other bookshelves not show here and while I dream of built-in floor to ceiling bookcases, that really wasn't much of a possibility.  

See what I mean about lots of books?

I cleared it all out and there was LOTS and LOTS of chaos as a result.  

And this is just a smidge of the chaos.

We covered that dinged-up, dented, scuffed up flat white paint with my new favorite, Revere Pewter.  

It was an instant transformation.

After emptying that hutch of my china, I moved it myself... by sitting with my back against it and scooching it slowly into place.  I didn't want to wait til the Rugged Mountain Man got home.  I'm just like my mama.

I took my old tired Walmart bookcases, straight out of 1999, painted them white and re-backed them with beadboard.  I also bought one more bargain shelf and painted and re-backed that one too.

But, I also wanted more book space.

The Rugged Mountain Man and I built this cubby unit with MDF.  

I calculated the load it can handle and let's just say, we don't have to be worried about sagging.

We consolidated 6 mismatched bookshelves into four!

Now the "built-in" unit is bracketed to the wall for safety.  Not that we have a mountain goat living here or anything.

I could barely contain my excitement when putting the books back into place.  I was also very motivated to get our house back to some state of normalcy.  However, I sorted the books and gave away duplicates.  The reading levels go from bottom to top, easiest to most difficult.  They are classified into genres.  

Ironically, it was the Blossoms who were most excited about this.  They loved that I found all their cookbooks and craft books and made an activity section.  

"Now we can find our cookbooks easily!!"

We're loving how this room now truly functions as a library and dining room.

I'm definitely the ideas person in our marriage and I don't like to be told reasons why my ideas won't work and can't be done.  The Rugged Mountain Man is deeply rooted in logic and reality.  Nevertheless, I hatched the built-in look alike idea and we collaborated in the carrying out of this idea.  He brought in thoughts on what kind of wood to use and how best to construct it, as well as budget constraints.  We worked closely on the budget and actual construction.  It was good for him to see that my ideas are cool and really look awesome in our house.  It was good for me to see that his tips help make our project better, stronger and more durable.  What a great marriage win for us!

Dominique