Not Harping

Perhaps I sound like I'm harping on submission. I know that the Lord gave our husbands a pretty hefty command - to love us like Christ loved the church. Wow.   That's a tall order.  But, I noticed this: The more I stick my nose in what my husband should be doing, the less I work on what I'm supposed to be doing.  The devil is constantly trying to inundate us with mouthy, bossy, mean, nagging women as our examples.  I've found that I have to review submission.  I take "doses" of submission by mulling over Ephesians 5:22-33 or Colossians 3:18.  That helps me get back on track and it helps me to be glad in my role.

Mid-bossy-sentence

The ultra-independence thing is counter to what the Bible teaches. This is the very reason that your flesh may be squirming as you read this. Lest I sound bossy or preachy or arrogant, understand this, I struggle with bossiness and insubordination sometimes. It is truly a journey of letting the Lord convict and change me.  My conscience pricks me mid-bossy-sentence and I have to stop and apologize.  My husband is so gracious to me.  Sometimes, the way I learn not to be bossy to him, is to just be quiet.  And, if you know me, that's hard.  Really hard.

A moral

The moral of the previous story is this:
A husband and a wife each have a role in a marriage.  Faithfully and happily serving in your role pleases God and somehow makes a marriage thrive..
The world likes to peddle "ultra-independence" to women, as if we are less valuable because we depend on our husband.  I assure you, God values women.  In a patriarchal society, He had 4 women listed in Jesus' geneology (Matthew 1:3,5-6).  That's big stuff.  And, He made sure that the same salvation offered to men, is offered to women.  It's level ground in front of the Cross.  Our husband will answer for how he led his family and we will answer for how we cared for our family.

Strong Independent Young Woman

Long ago, when I worked outside the home, I casually mentioned that I'd take my health insurance information home for my husband to read, since he handled that stuff.  A co-worker retorted, "Whatever happened to being a strong, independent young woman?!"  Ironically, I am the happily married one of the two of us and she is divorced (for no good reason) and living with a boyfriend with 2 confused kids.  If that is being a strong, independent young woman, count me out.

(And today I am very happily married for 10 years to my best friend!)

Our Words

What does a wife do when she hears someone speak against her husband's decision?  She mulls and it grows... she mulls more and it grows larger.  In my experience, discontentment only leads me to further sin - anger, bitterness, etc.  Being a Godly wife is already like swimming upstream these days.  We as Christians ought to cheer each other on toward more Godliness!  Let our words encourage wives to submit to their own husband.  Let our comments help a wife to be content and graciously supportive of her husband's decisions.  If she doesn't like the decision, let our words help her to be quietly submissive until the time when the Holy Spirit wants to her to speak out. 

"Oh Lord, let my conversation, encourage every wife I encounter to be content in her marriage and obedient to her husband."

Help the Young Women

I'm tired of hearing women bash their husbands.  In fact, some of my most favorite friends to be around have never spoken a nasty word about their husbands.  I'm very proud of them and grateful to them for their humble graciousness and edifying words.  Yet lately, I've encountered other Christians who, without thinking, are cheering and commenting to wives against their own husband.  For example, a man might make an unpopular decision that affects his wife and her extended family.  And, other Christians, yes, other CHRISTIANS, cheer the wife on to nag and push her husband to change that decision at once!  I'm not saying that the man is 100% right (I feel that is irrelevant), but I'm saying that with our comments we can lead others into discontentment and bitterness.

More quietness

A note to my friends who may not have believing husbands.  1 Peter says to be quiet also.  They are won to Christ without a word!  That tells me that quietness is loud.  Actions DO speak louder than words.  Being submissive is loud.  Being loving is loud.  Being a servant is loud.  Being respectful is loud.  Helping is loud.  It is a blaring witness.  So, although you may be tempted to nag and remind and whine him into spiritual-looking behavior, you serve God.  You do what you know Godly wives and mothers ought to do (with a smile).  There is nothing louder than that.

Still thinking...

I was chatting with my husband and he brought up a very good point. 
Flesh doesn't produce Spirit! 
When I nag
or
hint
or
remind
or
badger
or
yell
or
give the cold shoulder
or
whine,
I'm in the flesh.  We Godly women need to realize that.  These things will NOT produce the will of God.  Flesh doesn't produce Spirit.  Whether you have a super Godly man or a barely saved man, keep your mouth shut and serve God whole-heartedly by serving your husband, loving him, loving your children and caring for the home.  It helps you focus on getting the logs or splinters out of your eyes, so God can deal directly with your husband to take care of whatever might be in his eye.

Put the shoe on the other foot

When I don't like some little flaw I see, I'm resolved to be quiet.  I'm resolved to love God and continue to love my husband.  Perhaps in being quiet, I'll learn something about self control and I know I need more of that.  Put the shoe on the other foot.  If my husband reminded me of every flaw and little besetting sin or habit he noticed, how offended I might be!  I'm so glad he extends grace to me as I grow in Christ.  Lord willing, I will extend that same grace to him always.

Whose voice?

I love my husband dearly and he is a very Godly man.  Period.  I am also married for forever.  That is the covenant I made with him before God.  My job is to remember my role in our marriage.  And my role is not the role of the Holy Spirit's little helper.  The still small voice doesn't manifest in my little nagging voice.  What am I supposed to be doing?  Submitting.  Loving.  Respecting.  Serving.  Helping.  I try to fit nagging or "reminding" or hinting under one of those categories.  It just doesn't fit anywhere.

Does it matter?

Does my "smaller" sin give me a license to pick on my husband's "bigger" sin?  Shouldn't I look at my own life?  Shouldn't I mind my own business?  Don't I have enough things to work on in my walk with God?  Usually, if I find myself picking on my husband's flaws, it is because I think I have all of my own figured out.  Bad thought.  Didn't somebody say that the moment you think you've arrived, is the moment you start to slide back (or backslide)?

An object in somebody's eye

"Nobody's perfect."  I've heard it so many times.  The problem is, we think that we are close enough to perfection, that we can hold our husbands to that perfect standard.  That verse in Matthew comes to mind... you know, the one about the log in my eye and the splinter in someone else's.  I have to be reminded of that.  Inevitably, I find myself, picking at something in his eye (so to speak), when I have something in my own.  And, I THINK that the object in mine is much smaller than the object in his.

A story for the ages

"Skipper" is 2 years old.  And she is potty-training herself.  Or, she's really ready for potty-training.  Actually, we've finally started the formal potty-training, now that the garden is in, is under control, the wood is stacked, the 4th of July picnic/bash has passed and the cross-country trip to visit relatives is over.  But, on our way back from that cross-country trip, Skipper made a doozy of a story.  We were in Taco Bell.  And, Mommy was asking questions about what's on which taco or burrito.  It'd been a long time since I'd taken the crew there!  So, I'm almost done, and I hear a gentle, pleading voice, "Poopy, Mommy."  "Ok, just a second, Honey."  "Blah, blah, blah" to the cashier.  I smell a smell... I proceed to finish the order and pay.  And then, it registers, I hear hysterical laughter.  It is in our direction.  With a sinking heart, I look down only to be properly horrified.  I find that she is standing there, shorts down and diaper down, patiently waiting for Mommy to help her.  GAH!!!  The problem is, when she pulled the diaper down, it smeared down her leg, on her clothes and sandals and when she lovingly leaned against my leg, it smeared on me.  Well, I always say that parenting is humbling!  My child's pants were down in a public place!!!!!!!!!!!  We got it all cleaned up and we had a pleasant meal.  And, the lovely laughing crowd thanked me for the entertainment.  They were also glad that their 3yr old son isn't the only one who does that stuff.   

Moral: You can only laugh if your kid does it too.

or

Second Moral:  When she says "poopy," she means NOW.

Be Thoroughly Convinced...

I do think that one ought to be thoroughly convinced that how they are raising their children is the way God would have them to raise them. Period. No questions asked. A friend of mine has been encouraging me in this area lately. If you're parenting a certain way as a result of your convictions from Him, standards He has given you and what the Word says, then, it doesn't matter what people think or say. Ever. How I am growing in this lately! We ought to mind our own business... meaning, keep our eyes on our own kids. (Don't we have enough to work on in the realm of our own family?!) So, if they get it, take it as a gift from God, rather than a badge for you or confirmation that your way is right. If they don't get it, take it to God too. He grants that perseverance that we need. That's the beauty of parenting - it drives us to our knees either way.