We spent lots of time with family over the holidays, as most people do. And, in my case, my family are my closest friends. Sometimes our get-togethers are times of light-hearted banter and other times, we drift to deeper topics. I love the nuggets of wisdom or honesty that are shared over a sink of dirty dishes.
We give our hugs, we say our goodbyes and then, on the ride home, I reflect on the conversations, topics and comments. "Did I say too much? Was I cynical? Should I be quiet more? Was I mean?" I was wondering why I do this. Is it good or is it bad? Is it self-questioning? Is it insecurity? What is it?
It's vulnerability.
I feel vulnerable, because I let the walls down and they saw me. The real me. The me that wasn't trying to impress anyone. And during these drives home, while the children finally sleep and Daddy and I can talk without interruptions and Mommy can think connect thoughts, I find that the Lord can take that vulnerability and use it for good. He searches my heart then. He can say, "Yes, I found pride there. You must deal with that." He can put His finger on attitudes that were right and reinforce them, sending me further in that specific holy direction. He can correct. He can admonish me.
That vulnerability is the humble place, my life - my conversation, laid bare before the Lord. Through it, He can keep working in me. Yes, I will continue to be real with my family, even if I don't always think that vulnerability is comfortable. And, being in that vulnerable place, helps me to remember how to treat others when they are honest and real with me.
